.You make the GENESIS out of Me.

day 27: World Changer and Life Transformer.

I suddenly have a strong conviction in my heart that grips me so tightly,
to the extend that I couldn't breathe.
There's this dream that seems impossible for me to attain,
but yet the stirrin in me is so great and powerful.
It is from God?
Though Im still now in a stage where Im doubting my capabilities,
the excitement in my heart to see it coming to a pass is overwhelming.

I take this chance to trust upon God for the next miracle of my life.
World Changer and Life Transformer.
That's my vision for the coming next phase of my life.
God to use me to impact the world and the lives of the people all around.
This is ambitious, but allow me to be ambitious for God.
It is impossible, but it is possible with God.

Appreciation day has marked an end.
And Im filled with gratitude that God make it successful.
The very first day before we meet up I was depressed by the sudden few who can't turn up.
I was worried that the entire event will be a failure.
I was angered by some who did not meet the schedules.
When all these came crushing upon me, I prayed.
And told God I leave everything into His hands.
Please make it.
Possible.

And He did it!
It was a fun and fruitful time spent together as Occidentals and SP Unit!
He makes dull times into remarkable unexplanable enjoyable times..
He didn't stop the rain but create an alternative for relaxation n fun.

Praise God for His greatness.
Amen!

Oh GOd. Use me even more powerfully.
I love you.

Genesis Jorris 1:29:00 PM

Day 21: Ideas.

Mark of the end of examination.
Actually brings even more events and activities into my life.
I spend longer nights planning.
More days squeezing ideas out of my mind.
Ha. Dun fret. Its not something bad.
Because I enjoy offering every part of life to anything that has got to do with serving God!

Currently already make plans for the next 5 weeks.
Am really excited to pack every single day man!
Wondering am I superman or what.
Hmmm, no. Superwoman.
That I can really persevere in this kind of schedule. Like everyday?
Ha. Tell you my secret.
Its Jesus!
He give me strength when I am weak.
Gives me wisdom when I run out of brain juice.
Give me joy in all these planning that seems stressful to others.
Oh God! How pleasant it is to serve you =)

Had a fruitful day ending my exams and going for interview.
Im not sure what's the plan of God for me in this job.
Perhaps He have a better one for me.
Right after that meet up with beloved sheep, EDMUND.
For dinner@yoshinoya, shopping of gifts for my Occidentalists & planning the video!
It was really exciting as we run through the entire flow of the video.
Can't wait to unfold all the activities on the chalet!

God?
Sometimes I take a little break and thought of why I gave so much.
These sacrifices are my love to you.
I know, none of all these I gave to you can be compare to what you gave.
The sacrifice of your son, Jesus, on the cross.
This love you have for me is so great.
Greater than anything in this universe.
And thus nothing can be great enough to stop me from loving you.

There are times that draw me away from my conviction,
where the devil whisper in my ear,
"all these that you've done are futile! You will end up with nothing"
But Lord Im sure and clear,
there's nothing for me to lose as I give my everything.
For to be with you is my only life purpose.

I learn in these 2 years, how to give, how to trust.
Learning tolerance as a leader.
I realise, you really help me to grow. Thank you.
Now you've change my heart.
I can truely love these people in my land,
with no contempt, with no judgement.
I awaits to see more of your change.
To make me more effective.
To fill me more with the fruit of the spirit.

I know there are so many areas I still need to change.
I need you badly.
God.
Help me.

Awaits for life transformation.

Genesis Jorris 2:05:00 AM

Day 20: The day before Restoration.

Tomorrow freedom will be restored.
Where I can full heartedly devote my heart and soul to the team and my plans.
It seems to me a little panicking as things doesn't seems to run smoothly.
In fact many issues come and interrupt me.

Miscommunication with Xue regardin the camera.
But thank God Karryn is going to lent me.
I was thinking, maybe God was making a way out for me cause Xue's camera is a little faulty.

Interview that occurs tightly after my examination.
Unsure whether I can make it on time.
Furthermore a compulsory workshop lies on saturday, my fully packed day.
How am I going to get this job offer?
Was wondering perhaps God is trying to divert me to other offers.
Maybe I make a decision too fast.

Tried to focus on my revision but keep getting tempted.
Played online games.
Talk to many people.
Watch television shows.
Keep eating.
Furthermore there are important parts that I forgotten.
What to do?
Oh God allow me to totally trust in you and be disciplined in giving my last shot.

Being a leader once again is not easy.
Not being able to meet up to my people expectation of me as their leader.
Where's the zeal in me?
I really want to be my best.
But I do not know what is really my best.
Is it to be the best or to be my best?
Im confused already.

I believe tomorrow will restore all these.
Trusting in Jesus is what I got to do now.
Oh Lord.
Help me in all circumstances.

=)

Genesis Jorris 10:34:00 PM

Day 19: Hurt.

There are countless speechless moments a leader have to encounter.
So many matters that they can't explain.
Being misunderstood by their beloved sheeps and people.
It is often one of the most painful matters that a person could go through.
Just like Jesus dying on the cross, while all were reprimanding Him.
And misunderstanding His great love and intentions.
Why Lord? That these people have blinded minds?

Not to deny, Im hurt.
No blames held against them for they do not know.
The thorns of their words cut across my heart multiple times.
Blackheartened meanings strikes my fragile soul.
Why have they make painful trials for their leaders?
Hebrew 13:17, have they not read it?
Make the work of your leaders a joy! Not pain.
It makes me wonder, what have I done wrong.
To deserve the agony of being hurt by the ones I loved.

The most powerful weapon the devil has against us is our tongue.
The words we speak, we must be wary.
For it may anytime strikes someone near you in deep injury.
Doubts of the intentions of the other party must be clear.
But do not be a hypocrite.
By shooting arrows of words without any signs of love.
This is your sister, and your brother!
How could one speak with no sense of kindness in your speech.

Lord.
I know its about forgiveness.
And thou shal forgive all who have spoken hurting words against me.
For a clear conscience shall not fear.
But knows clearly the judgement to be brought against us.
Yet I pray for your forgiveness.
So may none be punished, but all be pardoned.
For they do not know what they are doing.
They are blinded by anger. Influence by the carnal nature of humans.

A reminder for all.
Help your leader by not making their work a chore,
but assist them with your love, your support, your prayer.
Only this can keep them well.
For you will regret if ever they fall.

=)
I love my people still.
Love them more than I love myself.

Genesis Jorris 7:42:00 PM

Day 18: the 391th post.

Came to realise my blog was created approximately one year ago, and yet I've got a total of 390 posts in collection. With this post to mark the 391th one. Been missing for the past 5 days I guess from blogger? Mugging with my beloved (like real) lecture notes and keep stuffing myself with food to keep myself awake. I guess Im gonna gain weight afterall these examinations. Sighs. Its always like that. When Im stress up, I need food. And when I need food, I keep eating. In the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, in the middle of the night! Furthermore my house is like a treasure house of food. So plentifully filled with hotdogs, hams, chips, nice beverages, etc. Can't seems to stop munching since there's food that never runs out!

How am I going to slim down at this rate. Oh God. Let the exams pass soon.

The late night gather becoming a habit is getting dull. It seems to have loses its purpose. Oh God. Help me to revive the meaningful nights that many used to gather together. Let me witness once again brothers and sisters gathering together at night to have deep chats over spiritual, emotional and current issues. Supporting one another with advices, opinions and encouragement. Service last week was awesome. Praise and worship seems to have been extended. And I love to dwell longer in God's presence. I need more of His presence to moisture my dry soul and great desire for more more more of Him. Father you got to wet my life even more!

There are many people right now in my mind that I really want to play a big part in the life transformation that God is going to lead them to. God use me. Use me to soften the arrogant ones. Use me to mature the naive ones. Use me to set goals with the lost ones. Use me to lead the curious ones. Use me to correct the angered ones. Use me to speak to the emotional ones. All these flashing images in my mind, these people, they need you greatly. Need you so much to correct their actions, their thoughts, their behaviours, their character. And Lord me too. I need you to change my retardedness. I need you to change my emotions. I need you to change my intelligence. I need you to change my judgemental heart. I need you to change my wits. I need you to change my love. I need you to change my patience. I need you to change my arrogance. I need you in everything.

Can't live without you.

God bring me through all the transformation.
Until the day where the trumpet sounds.
=)

Genesis Jorris 10:24:00 PM

Day 13: Feast@HQ, Tranquility in the Midst of Noise.

Yes you got it right!
Today is the day JORRIS NG cook for her caregroup! Once a year. So you really got to come!
Really glad to see most of the people coming. Though Edmund last minute due to work can't come! Im sorry for you Edmund! It was really a good meal.. And I believe if u're there, the food will definitely finish. HaHa. And evan & brian too! who went back home to rest and study I guess cause they had an early paper in the morning. You guys really miss big times man!

Alright. Let's talk about the food.
There was the delicious mushroom soup with shitake mushroom. I was reprimanded for adding the Shitakes. I thought it was tasty to add them. But apparently some do not share the same tongue as me. Im quite sad about it thou. Of course there was the salad, tuna salad with nice thousand Island sauce! Ingredients include of course the tuna, cabbage, lettuce, carrots, lots of tomatos and onions! It was kinda nice after a heavy meal. The crispiness of the entire salad lightens everything that we just ate. And the main dish of the day: Homecooked shitake-meatened spaghetti with red presto chunky sauce! With the help of these conveniently available spaghetti sauce, we improvised it with lots of stirred-fry minced meat, ham, onions, garlic, cheese, Shitakes and Tomatoes! The combination was just nice and I really hope they enjoyed the sauce with the spaghetti. Puddings was available too for dessert! haha.

Had a really filling dinner, and I hope everybody really enjoyed greatly today. Taking a little rest after so much examination stress in our mind? Ha. But well as usual.. Whenever Occidental gather, the atmosphere is already max to the fullest. Though today thought it wasn't that loud as usual. But it can play some good since we're noisy most of the time. Laughs.

Alright.
Like what I said.
It was tranquility in the midst of Noise.
Though it was another heat up day with lots of noise from these lovely people.
But peace was given in my Heart.
Thank you my Lord.
It is quite rare for me to be peaceful nowadays when Im stress up with exams.
Im really fearful that failure will strike.
God I really want to trust in you.
And believe that.
You.
Will.
Make.
A.
Way.
For.
Me.

Love.
You.

Genesis Jorris 11:36:00 PM

Day 12: Lack Discipline.

Procrastination what a sin.
Give me rest for half a day,
expect returns of many days.
What I've done to deserve my curse?
An lowly act of slackened bones.

Discipline comes with an easy say,
a hundred mile awaits to reach the stage.
Me and you, prayed night and day,
hoping God will make a way.
So God came running in the race,
and say to you: you make the way.

He give you the way,
and you walk the way.
Never the other way round.
He motivates,
you disciplined.
Then will there be a better day.

Procrastination such a sin.
But will not prisoned us, so long we're keen.
Keen to change.
Keen to obey.
And God will always be there to guide the way.

Discipline me.

Genesis Jorris 11:44:00 PM

Day 11: Inspiration.
Convicted to lead into greater heights.

Had a really early day as I wake up to face the examination for Financial management.
Thank God the paper was manageable and I believe scoring should be a no problem.
Though in some points I forgotten about the formulas, but overall it was done pretty well.
Definitely can score at least at B. I hope for an A. God bless me in my paper!

But what's important today is our frontline leaders' meet.
Had a really fruitful day evaluating our whole unit members with the fellow CLs.
It is always good to speak out our suggestions and thoughts for one another to take into consideration. Thank God for such opportunity today!

Drawn up the SP family tree.
Realise we can at least witness 32 SP unit members to be present for service!
Where are all these people that we can't fill up 2 rows of blue seats?
God give us strength to work on these people and win them back!
Father help us to draw them closer to you.
Of course we're thankful that God added to our numbers.
Thank God for new souls like Jason, Yiyun, Chinliat, Baoxi, Thomas, Meixuan and Santono.
Im thankful for God to have blessed my group greatly.
All my vision for my group in the past have come to a past.
They are all fulfiled. Thank God.

The plannings are all fruitful today.
We managed to complete the schedule for the guitar class.
Completed the role planning for praise & worship of CG appreciation day.
Confirmed the claiming of the evo retreat of $180.
Finalise collection of the money for BBQ and food.
Gotten the ingredients to be prepared thought of for the Feast@HQ.
And many things.
It was indeed fruitful.

Am inspired to achieve greater things for God.
Oh Lord, keep me motivated and convicted for your purpose. Not mine.
Help me to revise well for my exams in the coming week!

Genesis Jorris 9:23:00 PM

Did a test on some website I found on John's blog. Kinda interesting I felt. Quite true and applicable to me. I thank God I have quite a balance lifestyle due to my personality. =)

About Type A and Type B Personality

According to scientific literature, Type A behavior is characterized by an intense and sustained drive to achieve goals and an eagerness to compete. Personalities categorized as Type A tend to have a persistent desire for external recognition and advancement. They are involved in various functions that bring about time restrictions. Such personalities have a tendency to speed up mental and physical tasks with extraordinary mental and physical alertness. These characteristics make for super-achievers and high-powered people.
Type A individuals can get a lot done and have the potential to really move ahead in the world. But there is a high price to pay. Certain components of such a personality can inhibit happiness and even threaten health. For example, the goals that Type A folks set are often poorly defined and therefore hard to achieve—a perfect recipe for misery.
Type A is also characterized by a general discontentedness and the impulse to be overly critical and demanding, even contemptuous of imperfection, in the self and others. This focus on negative aspects and the accompanying bursts of hostility and impatience result in guilt, remorse and anxiety.
Type A personalities are motivated by external sources (instead of by inner motivation), such as material reward and appreciation from others. Type A folks experience a constant sense of opposition, wariness, and apprehension--they are always ready for battle. And anyone can imagine how this constant (and very exhausting) existence would deplete reserves of contentment and happiness and disrupt personal equilibrium.
Although the literature is somewhat inconsistent because of problems with the conceptualization and definition of Type A behavior pattern, it has been linked to higher risks of cardiovascular diseases. The risks seemed to be reduced with intervention aimed at reducing Type A behavior. Indeed, those with a high Type A score would be happier and healthier if they were to file down the jagged edges of their personality. By learning how to control the negative behavior patterns while preserving their drive, Type A people can be successful without sacrificing their emotional well-being.
Type B behavior is usually defined as the absence of Type A behavior. Type B personalities are relaxed and have a laid-back attitude and posture. They are friendly, accepting, patient, at ease, and generally content. They are at peace with themselves and others. They show a general sense of harmony with people, events, and life circumstances. They tend to be trusting. They focus on the positive aspects of things, people and events. Type B folks are self-encouraging, have inner motivation, are stable and have a pleasant mood. They are interested in others and accept trivial mistakes. They have an accepting attitude about trivial mistakes and a problem-solving attitude about major mistakes. They are flexible and good team members. The Type B person is able to lead and be led.

Results of Your Type A Personality Test

Personality Type
Your score = 47

What does your score mean?
You seem to be in the middle between the Type A and Type B personality. In this case, the middle ground is good. Your attitude to life is more of the "smell the roses" kind and you know how and when to relax. Nonetheless, you realize that picking up a challenge and competing a little bit for your place in the sun can add some spice to your life. The equilibrium is important, so don't let your hostile, aggressive, and competitive alter ego take over too often. Generally, you are easy to be around, and people tend to feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Yours is a very healthy attitude towards life.

If you're interested in the test, go to here:
http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/questions/type_a_personality_1.html

Genesis Jorris 11:56:00 PM

Day 10: Fruitful.

For the past 2 days. God strikes me with the same passage for 3 times.
Surely I believe He is trying to tell me something.
In Romans 8:28 onwards, the passage about being "more than conquerors" was the scripture God enlighten in my heart. Wanted to spend more time investing and discovering of this scripture as I finish my first paper tomorrow.

I am more than a conqueror. That's what God created me to be.
I am chosen according to His purpose. With His love.
Trust in Him. Not fear. Not to freak out in circumstances.
Because if He is for you, who can be against you?

It really encourages me that God is here to comfort my soul when Im depressed.
And when troubles strikes my heart.
In all circumstances, God is always there for us. Amen? Ha.
Beginning to experience tougher periods of my life.
It is getting steeper in this journey with God.
But I believe by holding tightly to Him, He definitely wouldn't let me fall.
For the saying goes: Tough times dun last, tough people last!
Gotten reminded this by my shepherd.

Today was a fruitful day as I manage to discipline myself well these few days to revise for my paper tomorrow. Managed to finish what I got to and now able to take a rest and blog a little of my fruitful monday.

Looking forward to my everyday in the future.
Because God brightens them.
I love bright days.
Like the way I love God. =)

Genesis Jorris 11:35:00 PM

Day 9: Empty.

Had an empty day after 6 restless ones for the week.
Nothing much to speak that have dramatize me.
Seems kinda weird. Perhaps Im used to thrilling events that I feel uncomfortable without them.
Yet I'll really give thanks to God for blessing me with a restful day.

Had a series of TV session and a period of revision today.
Its really consider abnormal for my life for Im always out or doing something.
Since yesterday night this sudden change of schedule freaks me.
It bored me. And dull my soul.
Hope it wun happen too often.

Im kinda excited right now to get back on track in cracking my brains for the unit.
Make plans for frontline leaders meeting.
We're gonna have dinner caregroup specially cooked by ourself.
Next week service we're already expecting 3 confirmed visitors.
Connecting with our new brother, Jason.
Wanna meet up with my sheeps. John. Edmund. Evan.
Have an urge to witness people crossing the line.
I want to share the gospel.
Oh God.

Gotten settle down and spend more time with God to grow in my faith.
I need to stabilise myself to prevent further attacks from the devil.
Growth is never enough.
I want to grow further in my maturity in Christ.
Expand my abilities.
Broaden my character.
Mature in thoughts and behaviours.
All these are necessary to become a great servant-leader for God.

Screaming out my passion to the father.
Lord may you see this reached-out heart.

Genesis Jorris 11:21:00 PM

Day 8: Resurrection.

I can't describe the resurrection of my soul.
Its like Jesus undegoing the transgression, crucified, and resurrect on the 3rd day.
It been tough days for me the past few weeks.
But Im glad I got an answer from God today.

Praising God has never been a time where I wouldn't enjoy.
As I sing out to God. I speak to Him of my pain and sorrows.
I knew at that moment He was present. And He heard me.
A sudden flow of peace was in me. I feel kind of safe.

The prophecy speaks of faith.
Exactly what I told Bao during our shepherding in the afternoon.
Confidence in God. Faith in Him. And that proves us as more than conquerors.
It was encouraging to hear confirmation from God of the word.

As we move into sermon discussion.
It touch deeper into the area of connection to God.
It reminds me of the meetup with Pooi and the sharing regarding the armour of God.
How pleasing to witness 2 confirmation from God of the word in one day.

Anyway.. As I met him today.
Im went speechless.
I just keep telling God do something do something. I dunno what can be done but please do something. And I bet God really stir in his heart. Got a card from him. And finally Im hearing what I want to hear from him. The answer I've been seeking all these while. Thank God. Thank you shepherd. We'll definitely be able to bring SP unit to greater heights!

And oh ya. I didnt talk about the new brother joining SP! He's Jason.. Year 3. Been in Hope consider for 5 years, thou 2 years he actually wander around in his own world. He's really tall, around 190+++, and damn "dragonboat" looking guy. Meaning good looking. But that's not the main thing. Ha. He's quite a nice guy I'll say.. Definitely be able to mix around well with the group.. Really hope that He'll be in Occidental! Cause believe he possess the characteristics that blend with the people mix over here.. Praying hard for this new brother as well as those who are consider still new in the group!

If you happen to see this post, please note the prayer pointers and pray along with me =)
1. Occidental Unit of 20
2. New sheeps (2)
3. Studies (GPA 3.0)
4. Better family relations
5. 5 Converts by the end of september!

God I love you so much.

Genesis Jorris 12:22:00 AM

Day 7: Mist.

I feel suffocated though I do not know what's in the air.
A cloud of mist wrapped around my nostrils.
Its overbearing to carry the burden of suspense.

My mind went blank in the midst of confusion.
Too many things that it became nothing.
Questions flood me.

A rebellious Genesis was born in these days.
Breaking out of the boundaries of the leader's realm.
She sinned in her thoughts and plead to repent.
But the prison of sin held her beneath the scream.

Mist is what I got to describe currently in my life. Im lost in a dimension, not able to see clearly what's infront of me. My leader is not there to guide. My grand shepherd I've deafen to hear his voice. I need silence to quieten my soul and revive my mind. God grant me strong wind to blow away this mist of my life. Let me see once again the clear vision you blessed me with.

Nothing is going to hinder me to serve you in the church.
Nothing is going to be too tough for me to handle.
For I got you.

I know the situation here is not pleasant.
In fact something stirring in my heart that what I do not want to happen the most have taken place.
Bless that person. Pull that person up.
I'll hold on. And pull myself back up once again.

All to Serve God.

Genesis Jorris 12:15:00 AM

Had a lovely date with Xue and these are the lovely photos. Love her.

Best Friends are Hard to find isnt it?
Im glad I've found one like Xue.

Shares same favourites.
Similarly hates irritants. Including irritating and rude people.
Camera whores.

What else you can demand from a best friend?
Love you Xue!

Anyway.. Its Day 6. A day of refreshment I'll say.
After so many things that have passed all these while.
Finally gotten a break and met up with some of the brothers and sisters.

Something is still hanging there.
I thank God for Meihwa for her listening ear that came at the rightful time.
Hmmm. God.. I pray you will reconcile that piece of relationship.
Make it work here.
Because I can't bring myself to work it out and smooth it myself again.
He gotten enter the picture if not Im not going to move.
Its not going to be me again.

Anyway.
Its always great to hang out with the unit.
Im happy for the brothers to have enjoyed the operation bear!
Congrats! You guys finally make it to menhood!

Laughs.
Had a little miscommunication today.
Yiheng seems to be forgetting everything that I've asked him to do and pass down.
Its not good!
(Mr Yiheng: Here's a reminder. Do remember what's on your hand! If not.. Im going to @*#Y*&$#&$TY you le. HEHE.)
Lovely people like thomas, edmund, shawn. Dunno what gotten into their heads.. It seems like they become retarded or childish. To think they actually laugh like non-stop and speak like babies. ERR. I hope God you'll heal them.

Let's talk about me!
I wanna be a balanced Christian for God.
In my ministry, pastoral and church involvement.
In my family, my time and relationship.
In my studies, my efforts and results.
In my social circle, my influence and supporters.

All together, I can only do them with you, God.
Correct me, mould me.

Genesis Jorris 11:38:00 PM

Day 5: Peace.

Finally it came to the day where I settle the distracting course fees. In this way, I dun have to think about it anymore.

Its a peaceful day that God bless me. With utterly complexion in the morning. Thank God for His grace, if not I could never receive His forgiveness of my impatience and outbreak of anger. Wanna take this chance to thank God for Donald, Yuhan, Randall, Larina and shuling for assisting me in my compilation for my course fees. Thank God that He place these people around me, to bless me with their financial assistance when Im running lows on $$. Especially Larina.. Who came by into my life, very sudden.. And I'll really say, she's God sent! Miss her alot too. Been a long time since I catch up with her after she left SP unit.

Had a fruitful day with my dear Xue over in Sens for tanning, fellowship and revision. Really thank God for her of trying so hard not to ruin the day despite she's sick. Xue? Dun push yourself too hard to come along for Sens next time if sick k? Ha. We got plenty of chances to go for Sens trips together. We had a busy session of photo taking, of 2 prez ladies that loves to hide under the sun and pose as much as they can. Had a really relaxing chat together. That's what I really need in this period where my brain is so squeezed with so many happenings. Thank you Xue. You had been a really great sister to be with. =)

Anyway.
I got my new eyeliner, new blusher and a top. All discounted items.

Thank God for blessings!
I pray.. Day 6 be a day of revelation.

Genesis Jorris 7:35:00 PM

Day 4: I broke it.

I broke the fast. A moment of rashness. A moment of stupidity. A moment of guilt.
Why have I committed such a sin?

It is a day of corruption in my mind.
I have many crooked thoughts floating all around.

What is it that have incurs my anger? What is it that have draws hatred?
Thou shall not curse anyone.
But circumstances makes me curse even more.
I can't curse anyone, twas' I curse thou.

God. Speak to those that I need to hear from.
Tell them, I need explanation.
Help me God. I want to get the rightful answer.

One day I will surely leave, if he not learn to appreciate thou.
Have he not understand what is he doing?
He is driving me away.
He teach not what he do.
"We have to take time to understand our people.. And so may we be able to assist them. and guide them."
Have he done so? Have he?
How much have he know?

It is detrimental in a cycle of no humanities.
Speak to him Lord, or speak to me.
Either way I'll be grantful.

Let day 5 be a day of resurrection. Please Jesus resurrect my life.

Genesis Jorris 6:26:00 PM

Day3: Deliverance.

As I fall onto the green patches of fields next to my house. I cried out to God in a song, "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way..." Tears washes the debrish on my cheeks and dried up on them, creating lines of path that pain have passed. My hands were soiled with the dirty sands on the field. My hand scarred.

In the midst of my depression, the song comforts me and Holy Spirit speaks to me. Trust God. He will make a way. I was confused the entire day. But I returned. Hoping that it won't end up in the way it was before.

I see deliverance today from God. The confrontation was fruitful. Hearts were poured and conflicts dilute. I was really afraid in the beginning. Afraid that the talk is going to end up in a mess and I'll wonder somewhere outside. Thank God He resolves the hardheartedness. Thank God he gave me the chance. Thank God for the Holy Spirit. It really helps me to speak the rightful way along the entire discussion.. Guiding me and stopping me from saying the wrong things.

I thank God for his love. It not for him, I wouldn't be able to find source of funds to settle my fees.

I thank God for such a fruitful time spend today with my mum. It is precious to me. Very.

I learn one thing today. Learn to appreciate how much God cares for you, instead of keep looking around for somebody who cares for you, and complaining nobody cares for you. Sometimes we think in this way, why nobody really bothers? When we forgotten, God has always been there for you. I Love you, God.

Genesis Jorris 9:54:00 PM

Its only day 2. Misery strikes.

typical chinese drama of family disputes that end up with self physical abuse, signs of psychological problems, screams that sounded throughout the entire neighbourhood, proclamation of suicide, tears and heartpains. I didn't know they can really take place in real life when I used to watch them as a daily entertainment until I taste them myself.

I foresee this coming since months ago. As aloofness creeps into the family. Division grew. Misunderstanding nurtured. Quarrels increased.

Initially I was still wondering why fasting and praying came into my mind, I simply obey it. And go ahead with a 30 day fasting. Now I understand why Holy Spirit prompt me to do it. This is the purpose.

I nearly die today.
I think.

God pull me back. I'll be stronger, no matter what. And whatever it takes, I will not sacrifice my faith. God u're hearing me! Im not going to let you down, and put you aside just so that I will have a moment of peace. But I'll give everything to you, just in exchange to uphold your name. Im not perfect. Im horrible and weak. I disgrace you. The only thing that I can boast is of my faith in you, and of my conviction to stay strong to you.

Help me.
I need Help.

Genesis Jorris 11:28:00 PM

approaching day one of my desperate praying and fasting. Within another half an hour, it will the the time where I take my first step towards "God Changing Me".

I know myself very well. It takes alot of discipline for me to keep to a fast throughout the entire month. Sometimes I'll let it slip off my mind. Sometimes I'll procrastinate. Sometimes I'll just let circumstances swallow my determination. And I know very well, that my efforts to pray and fast to God will not go futile. That's why, I make the better decision, that is to sacrifice my leisure of freedom from discipline to stricten myself with a fast, of discipline, and time with God.

Had unit coreteam meet today..
It was fruitful.. And God sort of speaks to me in the area of giving to my family. Am I spending enough time with them? Am I putting as much effort in my church ministry to build relationship with them? To whom do I give my life? The answer is definitely God. But it takes more than knowing that you had to give to God, in order to give.

There's alot of things that Im still holding back, and had not surrender them to God. Such as relationships, decisions, studies, money, etc. It all has got to do with the "I" factor.. When ever we give, we think about, ourself first.. If I give this money away, will I have enough for the week? If I go for caregroup today.. Will I have the time to go shopping? If only we can remove the "I" factor.. And think about, what would Jesus do. (WWJD)

Ha. The clock keep ticking. Its already 11.41pm.
Anticipation fills me.

Im excited for service tml too!
I hope to see chin liat for service..
I hope that yiyun will come and join us for service..
I hope that brian will be present for service..
I hope that Jeremy will be able to turn up for service..
I hope that evan will not have last minute situation not to turn up for service..

All my hopes will lie in God.
Father, answer my hopes in you!

Genesis Jorris 11:27:00 PM

fasting & praying.

I thank God for xueping for being a listening ear for my frustration between desire and my choleric nature. Now Im finally able to settle down, and bit by bit clearing my thoughts. The solution is one, though many problems surfaced. And I figured out, God is the solution for everything. It doesn't takes an intelligent mind to know the that God is the answer, but it takes a desperate soul for God to understand the significance of it. I came to know, in my times of helplessness for the past few weeks, God shall be my strength. When Im lost, He is my compass. When Im weak, He is my strength. When Im hurt, He will be my comfort. When Im confused, He is my wisdom.

Decided to embark myself on a series of personal fasting and praying session to ask God to help me in my growth as a leader, as a servant, as a shepherd, as His child. I really desire to see more life transformation in me. My mentality, the way my thoughts are shaped, my leadership characteristics and style, my personality, my behaviour, my willingness, my fruit of the spirit, God mould every single one of them. Sometimes I often do one thing, think one thing, act in one way, and i regretted doing it after reflecting it in God's sight. How great it will be if I'll always remember to think what would Jesus do before I start doing anything. Please my Lord, help me to be more like you. Though I can never meet your standards.. But let me at least, groom myself and try to reach out to your standards as far as I can.

Im anticipating a NEW me in the coming month. And I truely believe when one seek to be transform genuinely to God, He or she will have their prayer answered. God discipline me in my fast for you, and help me to persevere throughout the entire time of offering to you. I really want to change. Not by my strength, but yours. Not my work, but yours. Only you can help me to change. It is insufficient of my own strength to experience transformation.

Im waiting.

Genesis Jorris 1:07:00 PM

Stabilise Me.

Know of those pills stressful people take it as a dietary basis which helps to stabilise their emotions and their "highs" and "lows"? Im praying to God to drop me one of His divine stabilising pills right now in my life. I sort of am desperate for God to stabilise the emotions that is stirring in my heart, for it is disturbing the smooth flow of my life. It's not something that is deficit to my lifestyle, but it will keep my mind occupied all the time. I felt like, I can't breathe and have a little small tone down space for myself.

Everytime I try to think and uncode the tangled thoughts in my mind, I'll feel like having headache. My head will literally feel the pain and "hang" like my ipod if I try to unsolve the puzzle. This seriously confuse me and leave me in blues. If I dun think, then how do I sort out the stuffs in my brain? And Im definitely a "thinking" person.. I can't tolerate a single minute without thinking about the things happening around me and in me.

My brain seriously is failing its functions. And because the more I can't think of all these revolutions around my life, the more I worry and the more I want to think about them. Im a thinker. That's what I do for life. Ask me not to think, its almost committing suicide? Oh God.. Help me. Help me to deal with the current situations. Help me to stay focus on you. Right now in me.. I feel restricted. I feel a huge force in me breaking out. Its like a powerful desire to grow, and become a much impactful servant of yours. But there are so many sinful areas of me I need to learn, change and be mould by you. What to do? Im afraid I could never witness myself overcoming these areas and fulfil the vision.

Ahhh.. It must only be by your strength which strengthens me. That going to help me become the kind of person you created me to be.

SERIOUS ME. CURRENTLY PREGNANT WITH IT.

DATE OF BIRTH: SEPTEMBER 2007. Awaits.

Genesis Jorris 2:12:00 AM

Life stages.

Currently I feel like Im in the midst of moving on in my life, stepping into the next new stage God have prepare for me to undergo, overcome, be mould, be groomed, and finally step out of it into another stage. Again.

Whenever Im in such a changing situation, I'll feel kind of excited yet frustrated. I long to move on and on.. Learn greater things! Yet one is especially most weak in life-changing stages. I felt stagnant right now.. Still struggling with finding the right door to exit, and enter the next one. So what am I doing now?

So much conviction that's about to explode. But something is lacking or I should say hindering it from being developed and spread around.

Recently retarded becomes my favourite word. I feel like telling God, Im becoming retarded recently. I feel so stupid. So worthless. So ordinary. So nothing. So simple. So weak. I can't do a single thing well myself. I am retarded, in the eyes of God, because I can never measure myself against His godly standards.

Somehow, feeling retarded is not a bad thing. It make me realise, how much more I need God. And I strongly believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I need to have faith in God to believe He can pull me through everything. Without faith, it is impossible to please God.

I will delight to be retarded for Jesus. =)

What I need now is FOCUS. On God, and on my priorities.

Genesis Jorris 12:19:00 AM

I am

I know

I Speak